Dear Reese,
Happy birthday, my little baby girl! You’re ONE. One WHOLE year old. One year of you transforming from a squirmy, squalling, pooping pupae to a crawling, giggling, zerbert-giving baby! One year of near constant sleep deficit for me and your daddy (but mostly me). One whole year to learn what we are to become by learning who you are.
You may think I’ve forgotten about writing your letters for your 11th and 12th month. Turns out, we’ve have a major reorganization in our household over the past month and a half, and we’ve replaced your normal letter structure (just for both months 11 and 12) with: an annual performance review.
Key Areas of Responsibility
Communication: Upon your arrival, it was clear that you had a talent for communicating the “big picture” ideas from the very beginning: “I’m wet/soiled!” “I’m hungry, make with the boob!” “I’m pretty sure nothing’s wrong, but I want comfort anyway!” However, your communication style lacked polish and a certain nuance that makes one more promotable.
We have always known you would eventually improve upon your style of communication, and in recent months we’ve seen even more refinement of your daily communications: Babbling, Pointing/Babbling, Word Recognition/Comprehension (i.e. “Where is the doggie? Where is daddy? When did you learn to use a cell phone?!”). You have really started to express yourself very well recently – the biggest change is that you have started to wave and say “Bye Bye” to people as they leave. You also point A LOT at everything and you say things that sound a lot like “Buh Buh” or “Buh Bee” or just “Bah Buh”. There are a lot of other things you say that can’t even be phonetically spelled. Generally, everything you point to has a label, and that label has been consistently drawn from your developing vocabulary.
Management has recently observed that you appear to understand the fundamentals of telephone and cell phone use. Whether it is pure imitation or actual cognition is hard to say — but it is very promising to see you hold a phone up to your ear, smile, and answer each imaginary call with a sweet “Aye-YAH-yah!”
One area your Management would like to see you improve is your tendency to call “off hours” meetings. Management would like to remind you that off hours are defined as being 11:30 pm through 6:30 am every night — it is not appropriate to schedule last-minute meetings during this timeframe. If your need is urgent, a manager can be paged via the proper communication process.
Technical Performance: Each month that you are with our organization, you demonstrate a constant desire to learn about your environment and associated technologies. You pay especially close attention to most battery-driven devices (television remotes, cordless and cell phones, laptops). You have effectively learned basic computing skills from your managers by observation (your keyboarding skills do need some work as slapping the keys with your open palms isn’t quite proper technique), and have used the various remotes to turn the television on and off repeatedly. Your skills with even more basic concepts have improved greatly, as now you are a master of opening closed doors and closing open ones, placing objects inside a container and then taking them back out again, and your latest skill: playing ball with members of management. We’re certain that with time and further development, your technical skills can only improve.
Personal Growth Management: We have seen satisfactory progress made with your Personal Growth Management (PGM). According to our independent evaluation auditor, your weight is at the 25th percentile, and your height is at the 50th percentile for individuals in your field. All gross and fine motor attributes are developing as expected, with no perceived delays or setbacks. In terms of the Mobility & Agility Index (M&AI), you have been evaluated to be quite normal for your stage of development. The auditors also wanted the Management team to note in your performance review that you have always been cooperative and a very pleasant individual for each evaluation.
Social Interaction: Your skills in social interaction have grown exponentially since joining our organization. We have noted the ease of which you meet and accept different people, only needing a slight “warm up” period before you are contentedly playing with individuals outside our organization. Your mentors at day care have also commented about your charming effects on your social peers as well. You excel in being both social and outgoing and are generally happiest when your environment proves to be engaging and stimulating.
Professionalism: Here we have seen a great deal of improvement, specifically in the areas of professional conduct (Re: “Spitting Up/Vomit Refactoring”). Over the past six months alone, you’ve demonstrated a commitment to reducing the amount and frequency of SU/VR occurrences, opting instead to maintain a sound digestive process and Pampers Maturity Model follow-through. While we understand the Pampers Maturity Model will only satisfy this year and possibly next year’s growth potential, we feel you’ll already be working on implementing the next process model in due time.
Core Skills and Personal Attributes
Teeth: Currently, you have eight teeth. The larger part of tooth-eruptions have passed without incident, but management has noticed that the appearance of the latest tooth seemed to have caused you a little more discomfort and stress than previous tooth-eruptions. Please be aware that there are support services available (”Mommy” and “Baby Tylenol”) to you, to aid in your comfort and well-being through these trying events.
Crawling: You have demonstrated expert skills in crawling since reaching your eighth month milestone as part of our organization. Management has noticed that your ramp-up to full fledged mobility seemed a bit hindered by your initial reluctance to “roll”, but as soon as you started it was clear you were ready to take things to the next level.
Cruising: While it is evident you are comfortable with crawling, you have also started to introduce some “cruising” concepts to your locomotion. However, you have shown your more cautious side, and your “cruising” is very much limited to our coffee table and the two couches. Management has decided to factor this hesitancy in the next Mobility & Agility evaluation.
Walking: N/A. Management has observed that walking will be considered a goal for the next annual review. Please note this as an action item in your next personal status report.
Eating/Drinking: Here we have seen great improvements in your basic Eating and Drinking skills. You show a willingness and aptitude to eat nearly everything the Management places on your tray. All reports from your mentors at day care also suggest you are one of the easiest individuals to feed at mealtimes. You have also learned to be self-sufficient in Drinking, as you can hold your own sippy cup AND regular cup.
Coping Strategies: An area that, at times, needs work. Management has started developing an action plan to support and distract you during your moments of coping failure. During the interim gap before this action plan gains traction, Management has agreed to always pick you up and give you lots of kisses and hugs until you feel secure again.
General Weaknesses/Strengths
The following areas have been identified as “Needing Work”: Debilitating diaper rashes, separation anxiety, irritability due to nap-deficits, coping strategies, calling meetings during off hours (11:30 pm through 6:30 am), breast-dependency, hat-wearing intolerance, road-trip intolerance, tantrums
The following areas have been identified as Personal Strengths: Open-mouth baby kisses, snuggling, hugs, air kisses, babbling sweetly, rasberries, naked-belly zerberts, giggling, smiling, pointing, crawling, cruising, general night sleeping, eating, drinking out of a cup or sippy cup, flirting with boys, flirting with everyone, high fives, low fives, dancing, chasing Mommy around the house, restaurant etiquette, making Daddy’s heart melt
Overall Management Rating: Exceeds Expectations/Outstanding Performance
Manager Comments: Reese has demonstrated synergistic behavior that aligns with our internal Core Values Statement and Global Paradigm, and have overall proven to be a valuable team-player within our organization. She advocates bleeding-edge initiatives and impactful methodologies as well as consistently building solid back-end initiatives. She is a true asset and continues to improve all facets of her overall performance and professionalism on a day-by-day basis. Be it also noted that she smells incredibly delicious after her nightly bath and her Mommy misses her ALL DAY LONG at work.
Love,
The Management